Financial Infidelity: What It Is and How To Overcome It
Are you financially faithful in your relationship?
If the answer is no, don’t worry, you’re not alone.
According to a poll from the National Endowment for Financial Education, 43% of adults with combined finances in a relationship said they’ve committed an act of financial deception.
Image by Vitaly Gariev - Unsplash
Financial infidelity, an often-overlooked form of betrayal, can wreak havoc on relationships, leading to mistrust, resentment, and even separation. Like emotional or physical infidelity, financial infidelity involves deceit, but instead of affairs, it revolves around money. Understanding what financial infidelity is, its impact on couples, and how to address it is crucial for maintaining a healthy, trusting relationship.
First things first, what is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner in a relationship hides financial transactions or information from the other. This can take many forms, such as secret bank accounts, undisclosed debts, hidden purchases, or even lying about income. As mentioned above, according to a study by the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE), about 43% of adults with combined finances have committed financial infidelity against their partner.
The Impact of Financial Infidelity on Couples
The consequences of financial infidelity can be far-reaching and damaging. It erodes trust, which is the foundation of any relationship. When one partner discovers the other has been hiding financial information, it can feel like a personal betrayal, leading to feelings of anger, disappointment, and insecurity.
Financial stress is one of the leading causes of relationship breakdowns. When combined with deceit, it becomes an explosive mix. According to a study by CreditCards.com, 44% of Americans believe that financial infidelity is just as bad as physical infidelity. Furthermore, 20% of respondents stated that financial infidelity had caused a serious issue in their relationship, and 16% said it had led to divorce.
Why people are not financially faithful
According to the study, people who are not financially faithful had many reasons, the most notable:
· 38% felt that some aspects of money should remain private
· 34% felt that their partner would disapprove the purchase/spend
· 42% of couples who had experiences financial deception said that it results on a fight and eroded trust and privacy and for some respondents cited that this has led to a termination of the relationship.
How to Talk About Financial Infidelity
When it comes to connecting with your partner on the topic of money, experts emphasize the importance of transparency and communication in preventing and addressing financial infidelity. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert and author, states, “Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and financial infidelity shatters that trust. It’s crucial for couples to have open and honest conversations about money to avoid misunderstandings and hidden resentments.”
Financial psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz adds, “Money is one of the most challenging topics for couples to discuss. It’s tied to our deepest fears, insecurities, and desires. Financial infidelity often stems from a fear of judgment or conflict, but avoiding the issue only makes things worse.”
Here a a few tips for you to connect with your partner abut money matters:
Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet, private time to talk when both of you are calm and not rushed. Avoid discussing such sensitive issues during stressful times or in public places.
Be Honest and Non-Judgmental: Approach the conversation with honesty and an open mind. Avoid blaming or shaming your partner. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and concerns, such as “I feel hurt when I find out about hidden expenses.”
Listen Actively: Give your partner a chance to explain their actions. Listen without interrupting and try to understand their perspective. Financial infidelity can sometimes stem from deeper issues, such as fear of financial instability or past traumas related to money.
Set Clear Financial Goals Together: Work together to establish shared financial goals and a budget. This promotes transparency and ensures both partners are on the same page regarding their financial future.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If the issue is too complex to handle on your own, consider seeking help from a financial advisor or couples therapist. They can provide unbiased guidance and help you navigate difficult conversations.
Steps to Resolve Financial Infidelity
Acknowledge the Problem: The first step in resolving financial infidelity is acknowledging its existence. Both partners must recognize that there has been a breach of trust and that it needs to be addressed.
Forgive and Rebuild Trust: Forgiveness is crucial for moving forward. It’s important to forgive your partner for their mistakes and focus on rebuilding trust. This process takes time and effort from both parties.
Establish Financial Transparency: Create a system for financial transparency. This could involve regular check-ins, shared accounts, or using budgeting apps that both partners can access. Transparency helps prevent future deceit and builds trust.
Create a Financial Plan: Develop a financial plan that includes paying off debts, saving for future goals, and managing daily expenses. Having a clear plan reduces financial stress and fosters a sense of teamwork.
Maintain Open Communication: Continue to communicate openly about finances. Make it a habit to discuss financial matters regularly, whether it’s weekly budget meetings or monthly financial reviews. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps both partners accountable.
The Bottom Line
Financial infidelity is a serious issue that can significantly impact relationships. However, with honesty, open communication, and a willingness to work together, couples can overcome this challenge and emerge stronger. Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and addressing financial infidelity head-on can help rebuild that trust and create a healthier, more transparent partnership.
As relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch wisely puts it, “When couples are transparent about their finances and work together towards common goals, they build a stronger bond and a more secure future.” By taking proactive steps and seeking help when needed, couples can navigate the complexities of money and maintain a loving, trusting relationship.